McKean County, Pennsylvania is located in the Allegheny Mountains, three hundred miles north of Pittsburgh, ninety miles south of Buffalo, New York, and twenty-five years behind anywhere else. Matt Lang grew up there and moved away. He lives in Chicago now.
Matt Lang & Wayne Strohman decide to go to a bar
On his most recent trip home to McKean County, Matt Lang learned that many women in the area were getting their breasts done. Wayne Strohman shared the news over bacon, eggs and coffee at Marcy’s Diner in Derrick City.
Anyone I know?
Stephanie Taylor.
Have you seen her?
Last night. Figured I’d stop by the Eagle, have a drink, see who there, and there she was with two new tits.
Matt nodded.
And?
I asked if I could see them and she said no. Tobacco juice dripped from his mouth. He wiped it with his sleeve. I was like, what’s the point of getting em done if you’re not gonna share?
Wondering if it wasn’t because Wayne was probably dribbling tobacco juice down his chin even then, Matt took a ten out of his wallet.
Well, keep at it. She’ll come around.
Matt threw the bill on the counter.
Oh, I will, and she will if I can get her drunk enough.
Nice catching up, Wayne.
Got another? Ten?
Matt threw another on the counter and put on his coat.
Wayne put on his.
Goin out to the Eagle again tonight. Guaran-damn-ty Stephanie will be there.
The divorce isn’t final, dude.
Yeah? And?
As often happened during a conversation with Wayne, Matt didn’t quite know what to say.
Matt went with Wayne to the Eagle that night. He had not been to the Eagle in ten years, more than ten years. It, like most everything else in McKean County, looked the same. There was the deer head over the door, there was the Earnhardt poster on the wall, there was the reminder that The West Was Not Won With a Registered Gun above the tap which offered the same three beers: Bud, Bud Light, Yuengling.
Matt ordered a Yuengling from the same bartender, Dora, who looked like she had aged two years for every one lived. Wayne ordered a Bud.
They sat at a booth in the corner. Stephanie Taylor walked in with a much younger man who Matt recognized but couldn’t name. They didn’t see Matt or Wayne and took seats at the bar with their backs to them.
That’s the other thing: Gettin their tits done and datin guys at least ten year younger than em.
Who’s that?
Ryan Reevus. His brother was in my class.
Jesus, can he even drink?
Oh, yeah. He’s like twenty-five or twenty-six. Not that Dora gives a shit, of course.
Of course.
Stephanie leaned on the bar and slid her ass back. Matt looked at it, there, on the stool, perched, as he finished his beer. Wayne finished his beer and went to work on a wad of chewing tobacco, using his glass as a spittoon.
Why didn’t you ever hit that?
I tried, man.
No, you didn’t try, you fuckin pussed out. Did you ever ask her? No, didn’t think so.
Wayne spit, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and leaned in.
First you ask to see their tits. Then you ask to see their twat. Then you say, we’ve come this far, we might as well fuck.
That’s how you do it, huh?
Yes, that’s how you do it. It’s not fuckin rocket science. Let’s put it this way: There’s five women in this bar right now, right? I’ve fucked four of them.
Matt counted.
So you fucked everyone here but Dora?
No, I fucked Dora. Best fuckin head I ever got.
Matt finished his beer.
So -
Stephanie never let me fuck her.
See, it’s not that easy.
Yeah, but I’m a fuckin fat ass. And at least I tried.
Thank you for reading. Up Next:
His infatuation lasted until their senior year, when it was undone in two parts.